10 Famously Ugly People
By Sami on August 07th, 2008
Plato once said, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” If the internet has proven one thing it is that there is someone out there for everyone. This is a list of 10 people from different parts of history that were also famous for being ugly by their society’s standards. You’ll find philosophers, sideshow freaks, politicians, and even a queen.
10 ) Socrates
Credited as one of the founders of Western philosophy, Socrates was also well known for his piggish features. Alcibiades, an Athenian general and student of Socrates, compared his appearance to Silenus. Silenus was a legendary follower of Dionysus that was portrayed as morbidly obese, constantly drunk, and balding.
Zopyrus, a rival philosopher that believed people should be judged on appearance alone, said that Socrates was “stupid, brutal, sensual, and addicted to drunkenness”, making him an ugly yet sexy drunk. When his followers violently objected, Socrates stepped in and said that the reading was on the mark.
9 ) Attila the Hun
Practically unstoppable, Attila almost wiped out Western civilization until Pope Leo I talked him out of sacking Rome. According to Hollywood he looked like Gerard Butler, better known as Leonidas from 300, since Butler played him in the 2001 television series.
The reality is that he looked more like Shrek. Passages from history describe an extremely short man, built like an ogre, who so hideous that he was “human and yet not.” He is described with a bulbous head, flat nose, moist nostrils, beady eyes, and thin beard. None of this stopped him from marrying 12 beautiful women and dying while devirginizing his last one.
8 ) Tannakin Skinker
The epitome of a butterface, Skinker was born to a rich 17th century German family. Her parents kept her deformity secret for years, until news about the “hog-faced gentlewoman” leaked out and people started lining up for hours to catch a glimpse. The family attempted to use the hype to marry her off, dressing her in the finest bejeweled clothes to draw attention away from her face and offering a massive dowry to anyone brave enough to marry her. One man stepped up, saying: “Put her head in a black bagge and what difference between her and another woman?” Then her veil was lifted and he hightailed it out of there. Skinker died a single woman.
7 ) Frederick North
An 18th century Prime Minister of Great Britain, Lord North embraced his unattractive appearance. He insisted that his portraits accurately depict that he was a portly man with thick lips and eyes that bulged from his face. While at a dinner party he was asked about the “frightful woman” sitting across from him. He informed the man that it was his wife. Realizing his blunder the man said that he meant the “monster next to her.” North simply replied: “That is my daughter, and I may tell you, sir, that we are considered to be three of the ugliest people in London.”
6 ) Jean-Paul Marat
Considered to be one of the most important men in French history, Marat was best known for his rabble rousing journalism during the French Revolution and his harsh stance against the new government. He spent most of his time in a bathtub to get relief from a bunch of skin diseases he picked up while hiding in the French sewer system. His supporters described him as short, squat, and blessed with an “unflagging malodor.” His enemies simply called him repulsive and one eventually assassinated him while he was in the bathtub.
5 ) Queen Charlotte
Before Photoshop there was the court painter. It was rumored that King George III’s insanity was caused by the trauma of having sex with Queen Charlotte. Wikipedia describes her as “plain faced.” Thankfully, no 18th century Londoners can edit Wikipedia because when she first arrived to take her throne she was greeted with cries of “pug-face.” When she inquired about the chants her translators told her it meant “God bless her Majesty.”
4 ) George Lewes
Lewes became a 19th century celebrity due to his ability to carry on a conversation with practically anyone and for writing a famous biography of Gothe. He was also considered to be one of the ugliest men in England due to his buck teeth and oddly shaped head. He took this to heart and and attempted to hide his flaws with a large beard. Douglas Jerrold, a particularly savage writer, once said that the chimpanzee at the Zoological Gardens died “out of jealousy, because there existed a creature more hideous than itself!”
3 ) Julia Pastrana
Pastrana was a 19th century Mexican that was born with hypertrichosis terminalis, a condition that caused her face and most of her body to be covered in straight dark hair. Theodore Lent bought her from her mother in order to teach her to sing and play music. He then exploited her on a worldwide tour called “Bearded and Hairy Lady.” He eventually married her to secure all rights to her likeness. When she was pregnant with his child he sold tickets to the birth. The deformed child survived for 3 days and Pastrana died from complications afterwards. None of this stopped Lent, who simply had her and the child embalmed, placed in a glass case, and sent on a lucrative world tour. He was eventually committed to a mental institution.
2 ) J. G. Biggar
A 19th century Irish nationalist, Biggar basically invented the filibuster by talking down anything related to the Irish Coercion Act. The first time Biggar stood up to give a speech, Benjamin Disraeli asked, “What creature is that?” After being informed it was Biggar, Disraeli remarked: “Oh! I thought it had been a Leprechaun, one of those things that comes out in the moonlight to dance with fairies.” Disraeli wasn’t just being a dick. Biggar was born with a hunch, forcing him to walk with a cane, had large Hobbitesque feet, a “face like a gargoyle”, and skinny bony fingers. He also suffered from a speech impediment, making his long speeches highly effective in their ability to clear the room.
1 ) Joseph Merrick
The Elephant Man is probably the most famously ugly person in history. He suffered from Proteus syndrome, a genetic disorder that caused bony growths and tumors over large sections of his body. He walked with an odd hobble and often wore a cap and hood that covered his face. Even though he was highly intelligent, easy going, and artistically inclined he was relegated to working the freak show circuit because he was otherwise unemployable. Merrick was obsessed with attempting to live a normal life and ended up passing away when the weight of his head snapped his spine while he was asleep.
Bonus: Sarah Jessica Parker
Aside from Michael Jackson, I can’t think of a single person that is alive today that gets as much flak as Sarah Jessica Parker does for their physical appearance. She was voted unsexiest woman alive by Maxim, practically all of the comments on her AskMen profile compare her to a horse, and yes, there is actually a website called Sarah Jessica Parker Looks Like A Horse. Ouch.
Edit: Clarity and typo.
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