6 Historic Figures That Were Celibate
By Sami on June 08th, 2008
Unlike most, some people chose a life of celibacy. They avoid marriage and having sex so they can focus on more important things – there is a famous Seinfeld episode about it. This is a look at 6 historic figures that became celibate at some point in their life. They either avoided marriage like the plague or completely cut sex out of their life as if it would give them leprosy.
6 ) Sir Isaac Newton
The English writer that came up with The Three Laws of Motion was also puritanical, rarely smiled, and was a lifelong bachelor. All those years of not chasing women made him one crabby bastard, he was famous for his violent anger towards those he felt had spited him. He spent years hounding Gottfried Leibniz over the discovery of calculus. He kept a list of all the sins he had committed in his life and it included such horrible things like: “Making pies on Sunday night”, “squirting water”, and “peevishness.”
5 ) Søren Kierkegaard
The Danish philosopher that basically created Existentialism was also a hunchback. The original emo kid, Kierkegaard was famously depressed and considered it to be his “most faithful mistress.” Which is good, because he considered sex to be an abomination. It may have had to do with a girlfriend he once had: he was briefly engaged until he broke it off but never got over her. He spent the rest of his years trying to win her back through indirect communication and his writings. Titles like Fear and Trembling made sure she never talked to him.
4 ) J.M. Barrie
The Scottish novelist that came up with the idea for Peter Pan after his grieving mother enjoyed watching him dress up as his dead brother and wished he would never grow up or get older. Her wishes came true, seeing as how Barrie never grew taller than 5 feet tall. He blamed his height for his inability to meet women but somehow managed to land a gorgeous actress as a wife. But it became clear he wasn’t interested in sleeping with her on their wedding night and he never bothered to consummate the marriage.
3 ) George Frederic Handel
The German composer that wrote some of the most famous operas and inspired Beethoven and Mozart. Aside from having some of the most awe inspiring hair ever, he also got into a fist fight with Johann Mattheson over who should play the harpsichord. When King George II asked why he wasn’t married, he simply responded with: “I have no time for anything but music.”
2 ) Mohandas Gandhi
The Indian nationalist that pushed for independence from the British through non-violence and is best known for being skinny. Gandhi was married and had children but decided to put the kibosh on that in his 30s so he could control his “vital fluids.” He would have panic attacks after waking up from nocturnal emissions and would often test his celibacy in the most Hugh Hefner of ways: he’d get young women to massage him and spend the night with him in the nude.
1 ) Nikola Tesla
The Serbian inventor that is most famous for winning the War of Currents also loved pigeons. He spent years inventing things he never got credit for, like the light bulb and radio, and even believed he could control the weather. He also felt that sex was a drain on creativity and completely pushed aside any woman that was interested in him. Sarah Bernhardt, a famous actress, tried her hardest to woo him but he considered her to be little more than a distraction from inventing a death ray. When asked about marriage, he replied: “I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.”
Credit where credit is due: the inspiration to write this came from this Kate Beaton comic:
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