History is full of figures with popular stature or political influence who were plagued with scandals. Most of their offenses end up getting hushed up or forgotten, but sex scandals always seem to linger. The following are 7 (alleged) sex offenders and how they managed to get away with it.

1. Pope Sixtus III

Pope Sixtus III spent most of his reign repairing the damage done to Rome after the Visigoths sacked the city in 410. In his spare time, he reputedly enjoyed sleeping with nuns, a habit which caught up with him in 440 AD when he was charged with the seduction of a nun. Sixtus’ defense was based entirely on the Biblical Story of Mary Magdalene; he dramatically ended his testimony by quoting the Bible: “Let him who is without fault among you throw the first stone.” He was acquitted, not because he knew how to quote the Bible, but because no one witnessed him raping the nun in question. Sixtus died a few months later.

2. Geoffrey Chaucer

Geoffrey Chaucer was an English author best known for The Canterbury Tales. Some of his most famous stories involve rape – at that time, “rape” meant the same as “abduction” does today – so it is ironic that in 1380, Chaucer himself was charged with the rape of a baker’s daughter, Cecily Chaumpaigne. The charges shocked his supporters who rallied to support the writer and smeared Chaumpaigne. In an effort to make the story disappear, Chaucer paid Chaumpaigne an exorbitant sum of money (10 pounds!) to sign a contract agreeing to drop the charges. This contract came to light in 1873 and is the only evidence about Chaucer’s “raptus”.

3. Ernest Augustus I of Hanover

Ernest Augustus I of Hanover was an unpopular king whose entire reign was marked with sex scandals. It started when rumors of him carrying on a gay love affair with his valet ended with the valet’s death. A few months later, a man appeared claiming that he was the result of an incestuous affair between Ernest and his sister. But it was Ernest’s attempted rape of the Lord Chancellor’s wife which caused the biggest uproar. The victim died a few months after the fact and Ernest was never charged, leading historians to forever debate over the authenticity of the charges.

4. Henry John Temple, 3rd Viscount Palmerston

Henry John Temple, better known as Lord Palmerston, was a controversial British Prime Minister who advocated crushing foreign governments to increase the British Empire’s power. His supporters lovingly called him “Lord Pam” while his detractors called him “Lord Cupid”. The latter was a reference to Palmerston unabashedly attempts to seduce young women wherever he went. He famously forced himself onto one of Queen Victoria’s ladies-in-waiting during a visit to Windsor Castle and had to be ejected by Lord Melbourne. Palmerston managed to beat charges, saying that he had simply forgotten that it wasn’t his room.

5. Roscoe “Fatty” Arbuckle

Roscoe Arbuckle was the highest paid silent-film actor of the ’20s. His career dramatically imploded when he was charged with the rape and manslaughter of a young starlet, Virginia Rappe. Reality quickly became warped as tabloids spread conflicting eyewitness testimonies that claimed the quiet actor had done everything from smothered Rappe to death with his weight to violating her with a champagne bottle. Although acquitted after three trials, Arbuckle was blackballed from Hollywood, broke, and treated like a pariah by the public. His final years were spend spiraling into alcoholism and attempting to muster a comeback as a director.

6. Errol Flynn

Errol Flynn was a Hollywood actor who filled a successful career with swashbuckling roles. He used his means to support his much publicized hedonistic private life; the phrase “In like Flynn” is refers to his supposed exploits. Flynn’s reputation caught up with him in 1942, when he was accused of statutory rape by two 17-year-old girls. Unlike Arbuckle, Hollywood rallied to Flynn’s defense and even created a legal fund for him called the “American Boys’ Club for the Defense of Errol Flynn” (A.B.C.D.E.F.). A large portion of Flynn’s defense was that he was Errol Flynn and what woman could resist him? In spite of mountains of evidence, he was miraculously acquitted and the scandal only bolstered Flynn’s reputation as a ladies man.

7. Chuck Berry

Chuck Berry is one of the original pioneers of rock and roll. Like any good rock star, his entire career was built on scandal. He spent 5 years in jail early in his career for pimping a 14-year-old. He resurrected his career after being released, but ended up in jail again on tax evasion charges. After being released again, Berry started touring heavily but quickly found himself embroiled in the largest controversy of his career. 59 women came forward to claim that Berry had filmed them with hidden cameras in two of his restaurants. Berry managed to bury the accusations, at a cost of almost $1.2 million .

Bonus: Michael Jackson

The most successful entertainer in history, Michael Jackson‘s eccentric career earned him approximately half a billion dollars and 24-hour tabloid attention. In the late-’80s, “The King of Pop” built Neverland Ranch into a sprawling property that included a menagerie and amusement park… and invited young fans to spend time with him. Tabloid speculation went absolutely insane in 1993, when the father of one of Jackson’s fans accused him of sexually abusing his son. While claiming innocence, Jackson paid off the family in an effort to avoid an O.J. Simpson-esque trial. That trial came 10 years later, after the controversial Living with Michael Jackson. The boy Jackson was seen holding hands with in the documentary accused the singer of abuse. Eventually acquitted, Jackson became a bigger recluse and could never manage to shake off the allegations. It was one of the most hotly debated topics when his death brought the Internet to its knees.

Weeee, finally back in the swing of things! Keep the motivating e-mails coming.

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Apocalypticism, the belief that the world will end soon, is found in practically every religion on the planet. The Romans were periodically gripped by panics involving the prophesied downfall of Rome throughout their history, and early Christians believed they were living in the End Times with as much zeal as modern American evangelists. The following are 10 doomsday cults that still exist.

1. The Panacea Society

In 1792, part-time fortune teller Joanna Southcott started collecting “divine revelations” and had them sealed in a box with strict instructions to open it only for Jesus. Her followers called themselves Southcottians and were mostly early-19th century Spiritualists. Southcott dramatically announced that she was pregnant with the messiah, Shiloh, whose birth would kill all but her followers. However, Southcott was a 64-year-old virgin who showed no signs of pregnancy. To Southcott’s credit, she began doubting her beliefs when she failed to give birth but died before she was able to do anything about it. The sudden power vacuum among the Southcottians brought out all sorts of leadership, all of whom claimed they could psychically communicate with Southcott’s box, and transformed the Southcottians into a bizarre cult that refused to bury Southcott’s corpse, believing that she would be resurrected. They renamed themselves the Panacea Society under the belief that they had healing powers, and still believe that Shiloh will descend from heaven to reboot the world at a later date. The Panacea Society spends most of its time issuing press releases in British newspapers demanding that the bishops of the Church of England assemble to open Southcott’s box, presumably because Jesus is too busy.

2. The Church Universal and Triumphant

In 1957, traveling salesman Mark Prophet founded The Summit Lighthouse to teach the way of the Ascended Masters. According to him, Ascended Masters are individuals who have acquired enough worldly knowledge to attain immortal souls. Most of his original followers were nice old ladies who liked the idea of immortality, but membership exploded through the New Age self-help seminar circuit. Things became a bit bizarre after Prophet died in 1973. His wife, Elizabeth, co-opted a large portion of the followers and founded the Church Universal and Triumphant. She started referring to herself as Guru Ma, claimed that the world’s elite were malevolent aliens, and moved the organization to a remote Montana ranch patrolled by armed guards. There, members are forced into celibacy and aren’t allowed to eat chocolate (it was created by aliens). In the ’90s, Elizabeth made headlines by announcing that the alien elite would wage an nuclear war that would kill all but her followers. Cult members constructed the world’s largest fallout shelter and began stockpiling arms in preparation. When nothing happened, Elizabeth denied ever setting a date and claimed that she was merely warning the world. The Church continues to collect weaponry and upholds that the alien elite will wage their war on a future date.

3. The Jehovah’s Witnesses

In 1875, Charles Taze Russell, the son of a wealthy haberdasher, used his wealth to inform as many people as possible that the Armageddon would take place in 1878. 1878 passed without a blip but Russell was unphased: he simply created an organization which transformed into the Jehovah’s Witnesses and issued another date. Russell taught that Jesus had secretly been enthroned in heaven in 1914 and will return after the Armageddon, which only Jehovah’s Witnesses will survive. After ruling for 1,000 years, Jesus will return to heaven with the most righteous 144,000 souls. The remaining Jehovah’s Witnesses need not worry as they’ll get to enjoy paradise on Earth. Russell developed complicated algorithms to issue alerts about when Armageddon would occur and continued to do so even after the dates kept passing without anything happening. His death in 1916 didn’t seem to deter the organization from arbitrarily announcing a new date either. Jehovah’s Witnesses kept issuing dates until a mass walkout of members in 1976. Since then they’ve been reluctant to say when the Armageddon will occur, but still uphold that it can happen at any moment.

4. Takfir wal-Hijra

In 1971, agricultural engineer Shukri Mustafa joined a splinter of the Muslim Brotherhood called Takfir wal-Hijra (“Excommunication and Exodus”). His loose interpretation of Qur’anic verses involving the Apocalypse transformed the group into a cult that believes it is their right to conquer the Muslim world by any means because it has become too decadent. Takfir wal-Hijra believes that the end of the world will occur after the appearance of the Mahdi, an agent of God who will purify Islam. An epic battle between good and evil will kill all but the followers of Takfir wal-Hijra. Mustafa originally hinted that he was the Mahdi and declared that the end of the world was right around the corner. After Egypt hinted at peace with Israel, he took his followers to prepare in Egyptian caves. When nothing happened, he stated that cataclysmic destruction was required to bring the true Mahdi out of hiding and unleashed a program of terror in Egypt. Most of the group was killed by the Egyptian government fairly quickly. Mustafa was dead by 1978, and Takfir wal-Hijra has been operating in secret since. They were a massive influence on a young Ayman Al-Zawahiri, Al-Qaeda’s second in command, who took the concept of using violence to bring about Armageddon to heart.

5. Association for Research and Enlightenment

In 1902, insurance salesman Edgar Cayce began undergoing hypnosis to cure a bad case of laryngitis. He claimed to have discovered his underlying clairvoyant powers during these treatments and became one of history’s most influential psychics. Most of his early followers were Theosophists, but he became popular with the New Age movement in the ’60s and more recently with the History Channel whenever they’ve run out of Nostradamus shows. After a brief stint as a psychic healer, Cayce set up a nonprofit organization to shield himself from fortune telling laws and had a stenographer record 14,000 prophecies. His most dramatic prophecies involved “Earth Changes“, cataclysms brought on by the United States discovering a crystal powered Atlantean death ray in 1958. The Earth’s axis would shift, California would fall into the Pacific Ocean forever, and New York would be wiped out. Cayce died in 1945 and when nothing happened 1958, his followers associated atomic weapons with his Earth Changes prophecies. The Association for Research and Enlightenment, a modern incarnation of Cayce’s original organization, still studies his prophecies, hosts discussions over them, and occasionally releases cryptic warnings about the coming Earth Changes.

6. Aum Shinrikyo

In 1987, blind acupuncturist Shoko Asahara started a yoga class after visiting India. It attracted Japan’s educated elite at first, but quickly transformed into a rigid cult that called itself Aum Shinrikyo (“Supreme Truth”) as Asahara incorporated more occult teachings. Advertising campaigns announced that Asahara had attained enlightenment, was Jesus, and could cure everything from venereal diseases to brain cancer. Members were required to live on sparse compounds where children were forced into solitary confinement, had their eyebrows dyed green, and were forced to wear headgear that was designed to produce the same frequency as Asahara’s brainwaves. After a failed attempt to win 1990′s Japanese elections, Asahara began preaching that the Japanese government would wage a cataclysmic war with Aum Shinrikyo in 1997. Ever the altruist, he decided that it was Aum Shinrikyo’s duty to kill as many people as possible before the war since it relieved victims of bad karma. To make this happen the group manufactured Sarin and released it in crowded subways in 1995. Asahara was sentenced to be executed for the deaths of 11 people. Aum Shinrikyo has since reformed itself as Aleph and is under constant scrutiny from the Japanese government.

7. Raëlism

In 1974, sports journalist Claude Vorilhon renamed himself Raël and held a press conference to announce that he had been visited by benevolent aliens called Elohim. Vorilhon claimed that he had been tasked to save humanity from an impending nuclear holocaust. This “Age of Apocalypse” (not the X-Men arc) can only be averted if an interplanetary embassy is built in Israel. The Elohim will reveal themselves at this point and humanity will enter a new era of peace. Unfortunately, Israel won’t allow the embassy to be built because the swastika is prominently displayed in the Raëlism symbol. Raël claims he is from a long line of alien prophets which includes Muhammad, Jesus, and Buddha. He knows this for a fact because he visited them on another planet and they told him so. Although they’ve been cautious enough not to give an exact day for when the nuclear apocalypse will occur, Raëlians have hinted that not building the embassy by 2030 will yield massive destruction. When he isn’t saving humanity from the nuclear holocaust, Raël spends his time playing video games because racing exotic cars that wealthy members donated was too exhausting.

8. Falun Gong

In 1992, cereal factory guard Li Hongzhi started claiming he had godlike powers that allowed him to turn invisible, levitate, immobilize people, control the weather, and see into the future. This last power is especially important, because Li has seen that Fa-rectification, a cosmic process that reduces humanity to a pure state, will cause a “Great Havoc” soon. Li has developed a series of meditation techniques rooted in Taoism and Buddhism called Falun Gong to help mankind attain salvation in its time of need. It is spreading very quickly, there are an estimated 70 million Falun Gong practitioners in China alone. The Chinese government responded by banning the immensely popular religion under the argument that it has all the auspices of a dangerous cult. In 2003, Li announced that the SARS epidemic was the first wave of Fa-rectification. Falun Gong practitioners generally brush criticism aside, claiming that it is slander planted by the Chinese government.

9. Rastafarians

In the early-’30s, stories were published in Jamaican newspapers claiming that Emperor Haile Selassie I of Ethiopia was the leader of an East African possession cult known as the Nyahbinghi. These stories were fabrications written by Italian Fascists wanting to smear Selassie, but Jamaicans found them inspirational, and cults which venerated Selassie started appearing. The Rastafari movement developed out of this but didn’t have a central theology until 1933, when Leonard Howell returned after visiting the United States. Howell, a close friend of Marcus Garvey, distributed Afrocentric pamphlets that claimed Selassie was the messiah and was leading a war against western civilization, called Babylon. This struck a chord with Jamaicans who were weary of British rule. Howell never gave a date for the impending race war, but other Rastafari prophets were not as tight-lipped. Some preached that Jamaica would be torn apart in 1977 and that only Rastafarians would survive. Nothing happened and the Rastafarians fractured into various “mansions” who only share a belief in the evils of white society and the divinity of Selassie. Its modern form was brought to a worldwide audience through reggae music.

10. Brahma Kumaris World Spiritual University

In 1932, retired diamond dealer Lekhraj Khubchand Kripalani began claiming he was an avatar of Shiva and was receiving apocalyptic visions. He taught that a nuclear holocaust would destroy every continent except for the Indian subcontinent and quickly attracted a core group of 300 followers. Only they would be equipped to lead after the genocide, and they would usher in a perfect paradise. Most of his early converts were wealthy wives who made celibacy oaths and pledged their fortunes to him. Pissed off families starting lobbying the Indian government to ban the group, forcing Kripalani to create the organization that eventually became the Brahma Kumaris. They operated in secret, lobbying foreign governments to recognize them and putting out meditation pamphlets, until they found a lucrative niche teaching meditation techniques to the New Age movement. The Brahma Kumaris exploded across the planet until Kripalani died in 1969, leaving behind strict instructions that he would send messages through the Kumari leadership. The Brahma Kumaris still teach that a great destruction is right around the corner. Their most famous adherent is Pratibha Patil, the current president of India, who in 2007 announced that she had received a message from Kripalani stating that a “great responsibility” was headed her way.

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From France’s Sanch Procession to the Yoruba’s Egungun, practically every culture of the world has a type of masquerade ceremony where people were intricate masks for religious purposes. Some argue that Halloween is a type of masquerade.

Phyllis Galembo is a photographer based out of SUNY who has spent 20 years photographing masquerade ceremonies in Brazil, Cuba, Jamaica, Haiti, and Nigeria. One of the most complete sets of her work that I’ve been able to find is her West African Masquerade series.

Enjoy them here.

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A lot of people said we were glorifying violence in our last entry about violent badasses. While that isn’t true, we are making up for it by putting together a list of (slightly obscure) people who never resorted to violence. The following is a list of 10 people who were badasses and never harmed a fly, they simply didn’t need it.

1. Lawrence of Rome

Lawrence of Rome, the deacon of the early Roman church, was a Christian before it was cool – in fact, before it was legal. He was in charge of all the wealth of the church and many believe he was given the task of protecting the Holy Chalice. The prefect of Rome gave Lawrence three days to turn over all the wealth of the Roman church. Lawrence spent those days distributing the jewels and riches to the sick, poor, and crippled – pissing off Republicans for years to come. On the third day, when asked to bring the treasure, Lawrence brought the poor with him, proudly proclaiming: “The Church is truly rich, far richer than your emperor.” The prefect didn’t find this funny and had Lawrence executed by grilling him on a large gridiron over burning coals. Too badass to just die, halfway through this gruesome death, Lawrence called out: “Assum est, inquit, versa et manduca!” (“This side’s done, turn me over and have a bite!”)

2. Thích Quảng Đức

Vietnam in the ’60s was a crappy place to live in: besides the obvious war, the Roman Catholic president practically outlawed Buddhism, the majority religion. Protests from monks were crushed in ways that only a 3rd world dictator could: Through massacres. This is when Quảng Đức sprang into action. Accompanied by 350 monks, Quảng Đức marched to a busy intersection, knelt on a cushion, recited a prayer, and had a five-gallon can of gasoline poured on him. He then lit himself on fire. Quảng Đức burned for approximately 10 minutes – during which time he didn’t move, speak, or flinch. The photograph of Quảng Đức serenely sitting while burning won a Pulitzer, forced the West take notice of the Buddhist crisis, and ruined Diem’s reputation. It is one of the most powerful images in history, but most know it today as the cover of Rage Against the Machine’s self-titled debut.

3. Tank Man

Tank Man, the Chinese student protester, has one of the most kick-ass names (even though it’s a pseudonym) on this or any list. Following the collapse of Communist regimes around the world, the Chinese government decided to remind its citizens that it had no regard for their lives. In a show of force, a Chinese tank column rolled down the middle of Tiananmen Square after it had been cleared by massacring an atrocious number of student protesters. Tank Man wasn’t having any of this shit, and marched up to the leading tank and blocked its way, unconcerned that it could easily drive over him. Miraculously, the tank tried to drive around him, but Tank Man stepped in front of it again. He then climbed into the tank and had a chat with the driver. Tank Man was eventually dragged away by protesters concerned with his life, and he disappeared forever. Some believe he was executed a few days later, but I like to believe he is lurking in Beijing, waiting for the right moment to strike.

4. Joseph Kittinger

Joseph Kittinger, the retired USAF officer, was one of the first humans to reach the edge of space. In Project Manhigh – which, despite the name, was not a cannabis festival – he rode a balloon into the stratosphere to study what cosmic rays did to the human body. The only Fantastic Four-esque powers these cosmic rays gave him were balls the size of the balloons that carried him into the heavens. During Project Excelsior, he tested a high-altitude parachute. In case you’re not a high-altitude parachute enthusiast, here’s what this testing involved: a balloon floated Kittinger into the stratosphere, and he jumped off it and attempted to deploy his chute. The key word here is “attempted”. During his final jump, a suit malfunction caused his hand to swell up to twice its size, but he didn’t tell anyone out of fear that the test would be aborted. Instead, he broke records for the highest balloon ascent, highest parachute jump, longest free-fall, and fastest speed by man through the atmosphere – all of which he still holds.

5. Diego Maradona

Diego Maradona, the retired Argentine soccer player, popularized the Argentine soccer style, which features a more fluid approach to the game. Born into poverty, Maradona’s stocky build, surprising speed, and trademark rabona – a flashy kick completed by wrapping the kicking leg around the back of the standing leg – propelled him to the professional leagues. But it was two goals during a quarter- final match in the 1986 World Cup, which took place during an intense soccer rivalry following Argentina losing the Falklands War to England, that cemented his legend. As if borrowing notes from the Cobra Kai, Maradona scored the first goal, called The Hand of God, by cheating: he handballed it in and kept quiet when it became apparent that the referee had not seen it. So, how can a cheater make into this list? Because he scored another goal, literally moments later, by dribbling the ball halfway down the field and past 6 English players. This goal was voted the The Goal of the Century by FIFA.

6. Jahangir Khan

Jahangir Khan, the retired Pakistani squash player, still holds the world record for most consecutive wins in any sport – an astonishing 555 in a row. Long before the thickly mustachioed men from tribal villages in Pakistan picked up terrorism, they picked up squash by watching stationed British troops and a few went on to become international players. But Khan’s aggressive approach to wearing down players transformed quash from a stuffy country club pastime to a competitive sport played by actual athletes. It started in 1979, when he was told he was too weak to enter the professional championship, so he entered himself and became the youngest person to win the amateur title. The same year his brother died of a heart attack while competing in the Australian open; Khan swore to never play again, but 2 years later he started his winning streak in his brother’s memory. He also has the best mustache on this list.

7. Thor Heyerdahl

Thor Heyerdahl, the Norwegian adventurer, was a man with love for exploration with a scientific bent. He was also named Thor, which is excellent enough on its own because it conjures up images of a giant bearded man using a giant hammer to break shit. Heyerdahl’s hammer was the Kon-Tiki voyage. He built a raft based on ancient Polynesian specifications and sailed it 4,300 miles from Peru to Australia just to prove an arcane anthropological point. And, in contrast to most contemporary anthropologists and archaeologists, Heyerdahl put forth a theory of Pacific colonization based on an apocryphal Incan myth, suggesting that an ancient race of fair-skinned “long-eared” people were the original settlers of Polynesia. While this theory holds about as much water as those regarding Atlantis and Mu with legitimate anthropologists, because of Heyerdahl’s popularity and badassery, it actually managed to gain some traction among less stodgy types during his lifetime.

8. Richard Feynman

Richard Feynman, the American physicist, was barely out of college when he was contracted to work on the Manhattan Project. Niels Bohr used to hang out with Feynman because he was the only physicist not too in awe to speak. He eventually got bored and took up lock-picking and bongo playing to pass the time, breaking in to several of his colleague’s lockers and playing practical jokes on them. After the war ended, Feynman began a successful academic career, during which he worked on subjects as diverse as quantum electrodynamics, nanotechnology, string theory, quantum computing and theoretical physics. In his free time he studied biology, art, juggling, percussion, lock-picking and Maya hieroglyphs. Sadly, he contracted two rare forms of cancer and died (because one didn’t have the power to finish him off), but not before he could utter his famous last words: “I’d hate to die twice. It’s so boring.” His books are still excellent reads.

9. Pheidippides

Pheidippides, the Athenian herald, was the inspiration behind the modern marathon. Most of the history surrounding him is written down as fluffy hyperbole, but it is likely that most of his accomplishments are true. Greece’s rocky terrain made delivering messages by horse difficult, so messengers were used to sprint short distances between cities to deliver messages. Pheidippides was as fast as his name was unpronounceable, and during the Battle of Marathon he was selected to run to Sparta to ask for help. The Spartans were observing 10 days of peace - which really boggles the mind, considering that the Spartans were really violent fuckers – so, Pheidippides ran back to Marathon. He covered 150 miles in two days and arrived just in time to catch the magnificent Athenian victory over Persia. Pheidippides was then sent to report the news to Athens, so he ran 26 miles and collapsed dead after delivering the news in a single word: “Νενικήκαμεν!” (“We are victorious!”)

10. Demosthenes

Demosthenes, the Athenian statesman, used his first legal speech at the age of 20 to literally talk his guardians out of his inheritance. Other statesmen were promoting appeasement when Philip II of Macedon started conquering Greece, but Demosthenes, unconcerned that Phillip was a dirty ruthless bastard, wrote scathing attacks on Phillip’s motives and character. Thebes was harshly punished for resisting, while his efforts allowed Athens to make peace on favorable terms. Demosthenes then focused his efforts on advocating resistance to Alexander the Great, even going so far as to promote a rebellion. It failed miserably. Again, Thebes was razed, and Athens spared. Demosthenes and his supporters were banished, but despite being Alexander the Great’s main detractor, Demosthenes was granted a gold crown for his service to the city. He outlived Alexander, but chose to commit suicide rather than be caught and killed by his successor.

Thanks go out to Robert for helping out with this entry. Check out his blog.

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